YEAH SCIENCE! Tropicana Is Releasing A Toothpaste That Doesn't Make Orange Juice Taste Like Trash After Brushing Your Teeth
Modern problems require modern solutions and Tropicana is out here living in the year 3000! That is unless this is some sort of wacky early Trick Or Treat November Fool's gag, in which case I rebuke everyone under whatever corporate umbrella Tropicana resides under. But I am choosing to take these OJ slinging people at their word because I have trusted them to give me my tasty liquid Vitamin C with my daily balanced breakfast. Or at least whenever I'm not leaning on coffee to save my soul from eternal exhaustion, which pretty much means I only drink OJ whenever I feel like I'm getting sick or craving some with a bacon, egg, and cheese.
A younger Clem would do some sort of deep dive research about what why mixing orange juice and toothpaste together was more destructive to taste buds than mixing the red and clear liquids in Die Hard With A Vengeance.
However, we live in a glorious time where not only can orange juice safe toothpaste be made but all our questions about why this toothpaste is necessary can be answered in a 2 minute YouTube video!
I don't know if this toothpaste is good or terrible, but getting into someone's medicine cabinet is not easy feat. There are probably a few diehard OJ fans who need this to live a happy life. But I'm either going to have to up my OJ intake to roughly a gallon a week or this is going to have to be the greatest toothpaste ever for me to even think about swapping my beloved Colgate out of my bathroom.
I'll leave you guys with a few toothpaste/orange juice takes.
1. Some Pulp is by far the best version of orange juice. No Pulp is for children scared of a little bit of realness in their glass and Lots Of Pulp is for people that want to eat an orange but don't have any in the house. Some Pulp is, in the words of some thieving blonde asshole, jussssst right.
2. I've been a Colgate toothpaste guy since before I was a teenager. While other kids were using baby shit like Crest or bubblegum flavored toothpastes, my tongue burnt because I decided I had to brush my teeth with a very minty toothpaste like an adult at a young age. This is by far the manliest thing I've ever done in my life.
This is how badass I felt for doing it:
While this is what I probably looked like:
3. The Internet is full of people arguing over why the stuff they like is best. Yet I never hear anybody argue over their toothpastes, which is kinda nice. It's like in The Wire when there is no violence allowed on Sunday morning, which was callously broken by the B&B crew when they shot up Omar grandma's nicest crown.
It's not even a bathroom thing because people will defend they wipe their asses to the death. But I like that the toothpaste we use multiple times every day is never brought up. Leave some things for reality.
4. My last take is the most correct take of all, even though they are all 100% accurate. Tropicana tastes substantially better from a carton than a plastic bottle. That's just a fact of life to the point no YouTube scientists needs to explain why it's true. It just is.